I am writing this to you as much as I am writing to the mother in me. That mother is also just 3 years and not 30 and has so much to learn in the world of parenting. When you learn new things, the mother in me learns them too. As a kid, I too enjoyed playing the mud, just as you do now. But now this mother in me, is learning how to make sure that you wash your hands afterwords or what is the best way to get rid of all the stains on your pants. When you jump from swing sets, the mother in me learns to catch you, and my breath at the same time. I learn to soothe my wildly beating heart by telling it that you will be fine and this is exactly what I used to do as a 3-year-old!
You performed on stage a couple of days ago. Of course with the rest of the 20 other classmates from kindergarten. And as you danced, the performer in me danced with you. But the mother in me, learned to revel in your performance and learnt how not to sniffle in a crowd of other parents. [I suspect we were all trying not to sniffle too loudly]. I also learnt how important it is to reach early and make sure I have good seats. At your performance, I reached just before the show began and had to sit in the far corner. From those terrible seats I could see only your hands, swinging wildly, just as you have been practicing for the last 2 months. The rest of you was obstructed by a hideous speaker and I was all but heartbroken. I was told by the rest of the family who had seat good enough to see the whole thing, that you did a marvellous job and I couldn’t help but feel that I failed. I wasn’t proactive enough to ensure good seats and I feel terrible about it. And it will never happen again.
Exactly a year ago, you had howled with stage fright, crying through the entire song. When you saw me your relief was palpable and you refused to let go of me. But not this year. You weren’t scared at all. You were happy to be there and you danced like a natural performer. [You definitely get that from me!] And you were thrilled because you realised that everyone in the family was there to cheer for you! You made me the happiest mom ever, and I am so proud of you!
I realise that the mother in me needs more instruction than you do. As a child, my yearly progress reports from school would often read “Can Do Better”, and as a mother, it’s no different. I promise to do better next year sweetheart!
Until then keep dancing, my darling!
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