I recently celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary with a small family vacation. I can hardly believe that it’s been that many years already. Sometimes it still feels like we are fresh out of college and still feel the spark between us. And then are some days that I feel like we are old married couple arguing about whose turn it was to take the trash out or turn of the lights in the house at night. I know its been only 6 years but I think I can share 6 things about us that we [read I] have learned from being married!
- It’s not easy as it looks.
The wedding fun will finish and then when you start actually living with a new person, you understand somethings about them that you would have never known. Some of these may please you but some of them are definitely going to make you uncomfortable. I never knew that his habit of tossing the hairbrush on the bed once he was done with it would push my buttons so much. Or the fact that he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle instead of the bottom, doesn’t flatten out the tube and how annoying it is for me. I’m sure that my hair-fall or the fact that I’m a stationery hoarder causes him quite a bit of frustration as well.
- It’s not as difficult as it sounds like.
Don’t get scared by what I just said. Its takes some time to digest all the new-found traits of your spouse but remind yourself, that both of you are making adjustments and it becomes easier. You subconsciously try to do things that are mutually agreeable and accept those quirks that are of minor irritation. For the traits that are non-negotiable for either of us, we make the conscious effort to change those habits to make it easier of the other.
- Make sure you give a ‘good-bye +/ hug’ whenever one of you is leaving the house.
This 30-40 seconds at the door that I wait till he wears his shoes and gets into the elevator makes me feel a closer connection with him. We talk about mundane things but rather than shouting a word of farewell from the kitchen, this hugs lets us share a private moment without being too obvious.
- Participate In What The Other Person Likes.
He likes to ride motorcycles more than I do. And I like to watch movies more than he does. So every year, we try to do at least one motorcycle ride [100 km or more] together. He does a couple other rides with this friends. And we make it a point to watch some movies together. By taking part in an activity that the other person likes sends a message that says “I value the time we spend together”.
- Having a baby changes the whole equation.
Having a baby is a big decision that works best when taken together. Even then, after the baby arrives, it’s almost like your relationship has a new beginning. Because now, the baby comes before everything. It plays havoc with your schedules, routines, emotions and everything else. Take baby steps. [Pun intended!]. Take each day as it comes. Try and help each other whenever and wherever possible. Don’t get hung up on stereotypes. And remember, things will get worse before they get better!
- Make Time For Each Other. Practice Small Acts Of Love And Kindness.
It’s easy to get caught up with daily lives, chores, duties and responsibilities. And unless you carve out time for a quick coffee date or a movie or a spontaneous drive in the rain, there will never be time for each other. Work always expands or shrinks according to the time you have at hand. The days when I see the bed made / clothes folded when I’m running late or a bunch flowers or a gajra at my bedside after a long day, it makes me feel cherished. [It’s then easy to ignore the crumbs in the bed or banana peels on his side of the bed! 🙂 ]
And at last, I leave you one of my favourite quotes from ‘Shall We Dance‘.
“Why is it that you think people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet, I mean what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things…all of it, all the time, every day. You’re saying… your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.”
So to the one who notices me / my life and is a loving and willing participant – I couldn’t have asked for a better partner… So thank you, and here is to the many decades that await us! And may the 7 year itch never reach us! 🙂